If that’s what you want you should pursue that and stick to it unless you change. However, never having a sexual experience can limit knowing what you’ll be comfortable with. For me, I was always kinky and always wanted to try most things and I’ve enjoyed almost all of them… but I know many people that thought they wanted something or thought they’d never do something and it ended up being the opposite so always keep an open mind and be flexible if it strikes you to do something different.
I always think honesty is the best policy. I told my current partner almost right away a majority of my fetishes and interest in BDSM, this is after we were friends for awhile and I kind of read him to see if it would affect the relationship negatively. In the past I have also brought up fetishes right away wanting to know if we would be compatible and many men see that as slutty/easy or now see you as a sex object if you do so. It’s not really considered “lady like”.
I would OBVIOUSLY tell him everything that’s important to you early on, there’s no point in being in a relationship you’re not completely satisfied with or won’t be able to be. I couldn’t see myself holding back long enough not to tell him.
There are many things you can do in the DD/LG area that is not sexual or at least not physical. I mean, there’s many online relationships so they never have sex and things like dress up aren’t necessarily sexual.
That being said, best of luck, however it is illegal to view adult materials, ie: sexuality, nudity, pornography under the age of 18 and in some areas under the age of 21. I’m not saying people don’t do it, duh… but I’m obligated to advise you not to.
uhhh off the top of my head
- Phallic centered, 100+ photos of his dick, mentions his dick, his dominance comes from his dick, he thinks he can ‘fix’ you with his dick, keeps sending photos of his dick, mentions his dick more then he mentions anything else
- Thinks your submissiveness is because you’re a woman, and therefore ‘natural’ so any forced sex or abuse is simply him putting you in your ‘natural’ place
- Has no hobbies or other interests, and doesn’t care about yours
- Demanding and impatient
- He’s simple, he just want to fuck you, he just want to feel important, he reeks of insecurity and is desperate, he needs you to act like he’s a king and a god, he needs his cock worshipped, he doesn’t care about your needs, he is stuck in this frantic, desperate need to stop the thoughts of worthlessness and rejection and he will force this on you because he is like a scared rabid animal stuck the corner, scared of more rejection, so he won’t hear it.
- Can’t just be a normal, interesting, person
- Back tracks and passive aggressive, he mentions something you don’t like and says something like ‘well I’m the dom and you’re just a sub-’ ‘haha, don’t take it so seriously-’ ‘you’ll like it ;), you’ll let me do what I want,’ ‘Well my last sub was a real sub, I guess you’re just a fake-‘
- Expects things you’re not comfortable with, demands them, calls you ‘crazy’ and ‘typical’
- Believes you owe him anything, no, you owe him nothing
- Doesn’t fulfill his promises, but keeps promising, and the promises become more and more extravagant.
- Brings up old subs a lot and compares you
- Lots of compliments but very little action
- He expects you to fit him completely, his opinions are your opinions, you have to believe what he believes, you have to like what he likes
- Automatically assumes you are of lesser intellect and doesn’t listen to any of your opinions, ideals, and laughs off anything you say that doesn’t go with what he believes
- Isn’t upfront with what he likes, expects, and who he is. Charming at first, but then demanding, insecure, and needs a constant ego boost from you.
- Calls all his past subs ‘crazy’
- Isn’t sympathetic or empathic
- Doesn’t treat you like you’re an individual, surprised when you like things aren’t typical to your type, and ignores specific things that you like and goes with ‘well, all women like this-‘
- Arguments become personal, debating turns into insulting, he refuses to respect your personal views
- His ambition is to one day, actually have ambition
- Believes that regardless, he’s better than you because you are a woman and he is a man
- Around friends he takes the side of his friends regardless of the situation and seems to be ‘beta’ around the ‘alpha’ male in the group
- Treats you like a trophy, always mentions appearance, or sexual prowess, but never mentions anything else you’ve accomplished
- rolls his eyes at anything ‘feminine’ and instantly sees it as vapid and a waste of time
- expects you to baby him, even as a dom, acts like your his mother in terms of care and coddling
- Catch him lying and he isn’t upfront about it but dances around the topic in hopes you’ll shut up about it
- Speaks badly of past ex’s, consistently
- threatens you in anyway, even if he laughs it off later
- thinks all men naturally have a highly sexual appetite and therefore are entitled to sex constantly, also thinks that view forgives his cheating because ‘he’s just a man,’
- Any physical change that happens to you (loss of weight, hair cut) he feels entitled too and gets upset when you change you’re own body without his approval first
- Wants you to fit his ‘ideal’ woman even if it’s nothing like who you really are
- has too many fantasies about women that are all sexual with the women as props
- has no real female friends
- doesn’t trust your male friends with no reason other than they are male
uhh… this is really long now, so yeah, these are some ways to tell if a dom or a man is shit
This really shook me to my core.
Sounds veeeeeeeery familiar.
This list applies well outside of D/s circles. And with some tweaking could be made gender-neutral enough to cover warning signs for just about any kind of relationship.
But the next question is… how does this dude change? How does he turn himself around? Is there not hope for this level of asshole?
No hope, none, and no one should try and change a person like this, waste of time and energy, spend your time enjoy someone whose isn’t abusive rather than walking on egg shells trying to fix someone who is
When I was submissive, I dated this guy. Learned alot.
So much yesness to these words. Spread this. When I was strictly sub this was my ex, and fyi they won’t change. Ever.
You are sweet. ; )